Eternally
by TheMainSlayer
Summary: Angel has just come back from hell, and he is remembering the one thing that kept him alive...


Eternally

By: The Main Slayer  
Rating: PG violence  
Summary: Angel has just come back from hell, and he is remembering the one thing that kept him alive...  
Timeline: Buffy season three  
Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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Everything was still confusing. Angel wasn't sure whether what had happened to him was real. Dying; going to hell. Did that happen? Angel walked through the halls of the mansion and thought. He had no strength to do anything. Sometimes he couldn't even open the door. He had to work extra hard to do the simplest tasks. _Is this what it feels like to be a human?_ _To be so small that some of the simplest tasks take forever?_ Angel wasn't sure if he liked that feeling. He didn't know if he could live like that.

Angel moved through the halls and came to the living room. He walked to the fireplace and decided a roaring fire would help him to calm his nerves. He went to pick up a log but even this activity was hard. When he finally got the fire going, he sat down exhausted. He was also hungry. All he had to do was get to the kitchen and get something to eat and he would feel better. He made an effort to move but found that he couldn't do it. Angel was so frustrated that he went to hit a pillow but all he did was flop his arm down. _I hate this! I can't do a damn thing! I hate having to be dependent on other people. I have never done that before. I hate Bu……_For a moment he almost thought it. He almost thought about blaming her. What was happening was not her fault. It was no one's fault but his own. He should have known better.

Angel shifted on the couch to pick up his book. _I'll just read a little and get my mind off things._ Angel opened the book to where he had left off. He read a few pages then looked at his watch. _She should be here by now. _He thought. Then he made a face. Why was he so worried if Buffy showed up? He was worried because she was the one who took care of him. For now. Angel looked at his book again. He sat there, instead of reading, he was thinking about his time in hell. This shouldn't be something he was thinking about. He should be thinking about recovery. But he couldn't help but think of one event that changed him, that made him want to get out.

(hell)

He fell on the floor. The stone was cold and wet. He was naked. They didn't provide clothing. They never did. Clothing meant reality; reality meant they were something. In this place, they meant nothing. They were nothing. The Guard came at him. Picked him up off his feet and strapped him to a cold metal slab. The straps were bloody and they smelled. For years they had been trying to get him to forget his life. Forget his love.

"Who are you?" the demon asked.

"No one." He replied.

"That is good. That is very good," The demon circled Angel. He was so torn and beaten. He loved it, "Now it is time for you to tell me who this is?"

He showed Angel a picture of her. Blonde hair, petite, and full of life. Angel looked at it. He knew who she was. He knew that he had to get back to her. He had to find a way. If he said her name they would imply more torture upon him. If he didn't say her name he would surely forget her. He couldn't forget. He had to remember. He had to. Even if it meant more pain. Angel looked the demon in the eye. And gave his reply:

"Buffy."

"What? What did you say?"

"I said, her name, is Buffy." Angel said as he put his head back down. This may have meant more torture and pain, but it was worth it just to remember her name. Even if he had forgotten what she meant to him. He knew that she was important, and he knew he had to get back to her. That was when he felt the shock. The electricity serge through his body. Angel cried out in pain. Even as he did he made a promise to himself, _I will never forget her. Never. I have to get back. Some how, I will get back._ The pain continued.

(present)

Angel came back from his memory just in time for the door to open. He looked towards the entrance of the mansion. She was here. The name he never forgot. Things were still kind of fuzzy, but he knew she was real. He knew it. Their eyes met from across the room and Angel tried to get up. Even as he tried, he fell back down. Buffy rushed to his side.

"Are you alright?" she asked as she helped him back up. Angel looked into her eyes. _Why is this perfect creature helping me? What am I worth?_ Angel just smiled. Moving slowly he sat up.

"Yeah, I'm okay." He said. Buffy sat down beside him. She had a look of concern and worry on her face.

"Are you sure? You looked like you had seen a ghost earlier." She said as she put a pillow behind his back. Had she seen him before? Did she know he was having a memory of his time in hell? Angel only smiled.

"No. No ghost. Just me in this big place."

"Yeah I guess that is true. So can I get you anything?" Angel was tempted not to ask for anything. He didn't need help. But instead he decided that he should ask her anyway.

"Yeah, actually, I'm kind of hungry. I tried to get it earlier, but making the fire kind of tired me out." Angel said.

"Sure. I can get that for you. And I can fix your fire. It seems a little low." It was true, it was low. Angel hadn't even noticed. He sat on the couch and stared at the fire as Buffy left the room. She returned not five minutes later with his dinner. She handed it to him and moved over to the fire. She stoked it while Angel had something to eat. She would never tell him but she always looked at him while he did that. He didn't like it, but she couldn't help it.

"So. What have you been up to today?" She asked as she sat down next to him.

"Nothing." Angel said as he put his dinner down.

"Nothing. You did nothing all day. That sounds kind of boring," She replied. Off Angel's look she squinted, "Sorry. I guess there isn't much to do."

"No, there is plenty to do. I drew some pictures today. I used to like doing that. I have been trying to familiarize myself with things I used to do. Help me to remember."

"Can I see?" Angel wasn't sure if he wanted her to see them. They were of her. Did he want her to see them?

"Umm, well, I don't know. I mean they are kind of crappy." Angel said as he attempted to get up again. Buffy motioned to help him, but he put a hand up. He could do this. He walked into the other room and got his art book. _Should I show her this?_ He decided that he could. What could it do? It's not like she was going to hit him. She had done worse

He walked back to where she was and sat down. He handed her to notebook and waited for her response. Buffy flipped through the pictures and looked at him.

"These are of me." She said.

"Yeah. Well you have been on my mind." Buffy continued to look through them. Until she came to a picture that made her take a second look. It was her. Last year. In Angel's bed. _This must have been when we made love. Why would he draw that?_

"What about this one?" She asked, "have you been thinking about my birthday?" For a minute Angel was embarrassed. He had been. He had been a lot. If he had been human he would have turned red.

"I, umm……umm……well yeah. I have. I think about it a lot actually."

"Me too." Buffy confessed. She put the book down and took Angel's hands. Angel only smiled. He had to tell her. Before he lost the nerve.

"Buffy, I……I have to tell you something." He said.

"Sure what?" She replied as she looked him in the eyes.

"You, you, you were the one thing that got me through whatever it was I went through. Your name. I forgot who you were and what we had, but I remembered your name. And that is what got me home. I just want you to know that even if it doesn't work with us, I love you and I always will. I will always be grateful for what you are doing for me and I will always remember it. I swear I will never forget who you are again. Never."

Buffy could tell that this meant a lot to him. She knew he was telling her the truth. Without hesitation she moved in and kissed him. The kiss started slow but grew as she threw her arms around his neck. Angel pulled her into his lap as the kiss intensified. In that one moment Angel was strong again. Buffy was his strength and his life. He needed her in it to feel complete. The kiss continued. This was perfect. Nothing else matter. Buffy then pulled away. Angel gave a slight protest but let her move.

"Why?"

"Why? Why not. I love you and I always will. For as long as I live I will be yours no matter what happens to me." Angel said as he kissed her again. Buffy didn't protest. She pulled closer to him and kissed him harder. This was exactly what she wanted. To be in his arms again. Forever. Till the end of time. Eternally his.


End file.
